New Beginnings: im at a point in my life right now where not much matters. eff everything/everyone. i lost energy fighting for relationships, from my boyfriend to friends. i just dont have time to argue over nothing & as selfish as it is for me to just get over it & squash things, its life. Break-ups happen, you could love someone so much but the timing could be so wrong & thats okaay. im happy with where i am at now & finally realizing the true colors of people. The people who say they are there for you are usually the ones who aren’t, its always the ones who never say that & just prove they’re there for you. I learned the hard way, but its time to start fresh, sort out who i need & who i should split the path with..life is life i learned so much && im so blessed i have such supportive friends i love you guys.
well you know….the thing about shit is…..it changes. surrounded by people but i’m feeling lonely as if no one was ever there.
I should maybe warn everyone that this blog might not make sense, because my thoughts aren’t organized that well. I know everyone saying this year is their year and also blabbing about how they plan to change, and accomplish all these great things. That’s nice and great to think positive. I feel that you make the best out of the situation you in. No one wakes up and miraculously changes it’s a process. I want to leave everything in 2010…in 2010. This is the age where we try to find ourselves…Who is Jasmin? What is her purpose on this planet. Replace my name with the billions of other young adults in the planet…we’re all looking to answer those questions. All I want out of this year is good health and happiness. Honestly, I haven’t been happy in a long time. I love my friends and family. They drive me crazy at times yes, but I’m sure I drive them crazier…but there’s always something that makes me feel half empty if that makes sense? I’ve been thinking about my relationships with people and wondering if they are the healthiest. Sometimes I wake up and want to run away to a far place all by myself. There’s so many people constantly talking in my ear with bullshit. My mom’s been driving me crazy lately. If it’s not one thing than it’s another, and I hate asking her for help because she always bitches about it. I want to move and just be on my own, but its hard being a young single mother, and then add bills on top of that. Then when I try to move in with my boyfriend she wants to bitch about that…there’s no winning for me with her honestly. I love my boyfriend and he’s a great person, but I’m tired of arguing and being on edge all the time about what he’s doing, and who is he with. I know it all boils down to trust, but that word doesn’t exsist to me when it comes to the male species…mainly because of being hurt in the past. “Let it go” easier said then down. I hang out with guys all the time, and see how they talk about girls and so forth. Many of them act like the good guy, but have a secret agenda. “What she don’t know won’t hurt her.” type of thinking about situations, and thats scary. I always search for things, and my bro is always telling me not to because your just trying to hurt yourself, and i never listen. I’m a stubborn person, and karma is that my daughter is too..smh. I just really need to fix Jasmin up, and love her before i can love someone else, and I need to work on giving people chances…knowing that they can hurt me, but trusting that they won’t. There’s a lot of things that I don’t like about him that I keep to myself, and I guess if we both work on ourselves then we can maybe get back together in the future, but if nothings going to change then i can’t do it. I could write a book on my babydaddy and how much he stresses me out. I just wish I could replace who I had a kid with, and still come out with the same child…cause i love her to death! Like I said I just want to be happy, so finger crosses that a lot of things changed within myself, and the people i choose to interact with on a daily basis.
